How to Stop Using Alcohol to Cope With Motherhood Stress
If you’ve been struggling with how to stop using alcohol to cope with motherhood – you’re not alone! Here’s my story and my best advice on how to find healthier ways to cope!
“Wine o’clock,” “Mom juice,” “Mommy’s little helper” – I used to use these phrases all the time. The glass of wine at the end of the day wasn’t just a drink; it was my reward for surviving another day of seemingly endless demands, tantrums, work deadlines, and the mental load that never seemed to lighten.
I remember standing in my kitchen, two young children swirling around me, work emails still pinging on my phone, dinner half-prepared, and feeling that familiar ache for 5 o’clock to arrive. The wine bottle in the fridge promised the only moment of peace I thought I’d get that day. I believed I needed that drink to transition from work-mode to mom-mode, to soften the edges of my stress, to finally relax.
What I didn’t realize then was how that nightly glass (which often became two or three) was actually making everything harder. If you’ve found yourself wondering if your relationship with alcohol is truly serving you as a mother, I understand completely – and I want to share what I’ve learned on my journey to becoming a more present, peaceful mom without the “help” of alcohol. Let’s explore how to stop using alcohol to cope with motherhood stress.
TLDR: Quick Steps to Break Free from Alcohol as a Coping Mechanism
If you’re reading this while hiding in the bathroom for two minutes of peace (I’ve been there!), here’s the short version of breaking free from using alcohol to cope with motherhood stress:
- Acknowledge the pattern without shame (it’s not your fault – you’re responding to real stress)
- Try a 30-day alcohol-free experiment (my Alcohol Experiment can guide you through this)
- Get curious about what you really need when you crave a drink
- Build a personalized toolkit of strategies that actually address your needs
- Create boundaries that protect your wellbeing (this was game-changing for me)
- Find supportive community that doesn’t revolve around drinking
- Reframe motherhood challenges without using alcohol as the solution
- Celebrate every small win on your journey toward alcohol-free coping
“The most valuable gift I could give my children wasn’t a buzzed mother who needed wine to tolerate them, but a present, connected mother who had healthier ways of managing life’s inevitable challenges.”
Jump to Section:
- My Personal Journey with Motherhood and Alcohol
- Why So Many of Us Turn to Wine
- The Real Cost of “Mommy Wine Culture” (That No One Talks About)
- How I Recognized My Casual Drinking Had Become Problematic
- Steps That Helped Me Break Free
- Better Ways I’ve Found to Handle Motherhood Stress
- Resources That Can Support Your Journey
- Creating New Mother’s Day Traditions Without Wine
- FAQs From Mothers Just Like You
My Personal Journey with Motherhood and Alcohol
I never imagined I’d become dependent on alcohol to cope with motherhood. Before kids, I was a successful marketing executive who occasionally enjoyed wine socially. But two children in quick succession, combined with my determination to excel in both motherhood and my career, created the perfect storm.
Postpartum Struggles and Wine Culture
After my second child was born, I experienced intense postpartum anxiety that I didn’t recognize at the time. The constant worry, the inability to relax, the feeling that I was failing at everything – it was overwhelming. When my doctor casually mentioned that “a glass of wine might help you relax,” it seemed like permission to self-medicate.
What started as an occasional glass quickly became a nightly ritual. The mommy wine memes on social media validated my choice: “You can’t pour from an empty cup… so fill it with wine!” Friends would text “wine time yet?” around 4pm. Wine was positioned as the universal solution to the universal struggles of motherhood.
The Breaking Point
My wakeup call came one evening when my son said this to me when I asked him to come sit on my lap, “No Mommy, your lips are purple and your breath smells funny.” His innocent statement was a direct hit to my heart. I realized I was modeling that the way to relax and enjoy life was with alcohol. That wasn’t the legacy I wanted to leave.
The next morning, fighting through a mild hangover while making breakfast, I couldn’t help but think about how much harder I was making things for myself. The wine that was supposed to make motherhood easier was actually making it significantly harder.
That’s when I began researching the science of alcohol and stress – and what I discovered changed everything. Not only was alcohol not helping my anxiety, it was actively making it worse. The relief I felt was temporary, but the increased anxiety afterward was very real.
Why So Many of Us Turn to Wine
Understanding why so many mothers rely on alcohol helped me release the shame I felt and approach change with compassion instead of judgment. Here’s what I’ve learned:
The Perfect Storm of Modern Motherhood
Today’s mothers are often caught in an impossible situation: expected to parent with the constant presence of previous generations (who often had community support) while simultaneously achieving career success, maintaining a picture-perfect home, staying fit, and seeming effortlessly put-together.
The mental load alone is crushing. I remember trying to track everyone’s schedules, plan healthy meals, monitor developmental milestones, schedule doctor appointments, plan birthday parties, maintain friendships, advance my career, and somehow find time for self-care. It felt impossible.
A 2021 study published in JAMA Psychiatry confirmed what I was seeing anecdotally: women with children at home reported significantly higher increases in alcohol consumption during stressful periods compared to both women without children and men in general.
The Marketing Machine Behind “Wine Mom” Culture
Once I started paying attention, I couldn’t unsee how deliberately the alcohol industry targets mothers. Wine brands create “mommy juice” labels. Gift shops sell endless merchandise with “Mama needs wine” messaging. Social media is flooded with memes about needing alcohol to tolerate children.
As I discussed in my article on mommy wine culture, this marketing doesn’t just sell a product – it sells a solution to the very real challenges of motherhood, promising relief and reward. It tells us we deserve and need this chemical coping mechanism. I totally bought into this message – and it’s no wonder why.
What I Didn’t Understand About the Alcohol-Stress Connection
What makes alcohol particularly insidious as a stress-management tool is that it does provide temporary relief – that first drink really does trigger dopamine release and temporarily reduce anxiety. I wasn’t imagining that initial sense of relaxation.
But what I didn’t understand was what happened next. As alcohol metabolizes, it ultimately depletes the same neurotransmitters responsible for natural stress relief, creating a biological dependency cycle. The wine that helped me relax tonight was guaranteeing I’d be more anxious tomorrow – creating a problem it then promised to solve.
“The wine that promised to take the edge off today was actually sharpening the edge I would feel tomorrow. I was caught in a cycle that kept me coming back for relief from a problem alcohol itself was creating.”
The Real Cost of “Mommy Wine Culture” (That No One Talks About)
Looking back, I can see clearly how my drinking affected me in ways I didn’t recognize at the time:
How Alcohol Affected My Mothering
The most painful realization was how alcohol impacted my presence with my children. Even after just one or two glasses of wine:
- My patience threshold dropped dramatically
- I was more easily irritated by normal kid behavior
- Bedtime became something to rush through rather than a precious connection time
- I was less likely to get down on the floor and play
- I was physically present but emotionally checked out
As Leah shared in her Naked Life Story: “I was there, but I wasn’t really there. My kids were getting a diminished version of me almost every evening.” I felt that truth deeply.
The Physical and Emotional Toll
While I thought alcohol was helping me manage stress, it was creating a host of new problems:
- Disrupted sleep (I’d fall asleep quickly but wake up at 3am with racing thoughts)
- Increased anxiety the next day
- Lower energy for morning routines
- Brain fog during work hours
- A persistent sense of guilt and shame
- Subtle disconnection from my authentic self
In Episode 650 of my podcast, I addressed a question about whether mom guilt after drinking ever truly disappears. The truth is, the guilt was a sign – my intuition trying to tell me something wasn’t right.
The Cycle of Depletion
Jada Pinkett Smith powerfully captured this dynamic in her Red Table Talk when she said: “I was drinking to numb pain, but all I did was miss moments with my children that I can never get back.”
That hit me hard. I was using alcohol to cope with being depleted, but alcohol was further depleting me – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The very thing I thought was helping was making everything harder.
How I Recognized My Casual Drinking Had Become Problematic
For years, I told myself my drinking was “normal” and “under control.” I wasn’t hiding bottles or drinking in the morning, after all. But eventually, I had to face some uncomfortable truths that my drinking had crossed into problematic territory:
- I was planning my day around when I could have that first drink
- I felt anxious on occasions when I knew alcohol wouldn’t be available
- I’d tried to cut back but found it surprisingly difficult
- I was starting to pour that first glass earlier and earlier
- I experienced guilt and shame about my drinking but pushed those feelings aside
- My sleep quality was deteriorating
- I was using alcohol to manage specific emotions like anxiety, boredom, and loneliness
What I want you to know is that you don’t need to hit some dramatic rock bottom to decide alcohol isn’t serving your life as a mother. Many of us are choosing to examine our relationship with alcohol simply because we want to feel better and be more present.
The question that finally broke through my defenses wasn’t “Do I have a problem?” but rather “Is this serving me? Is alcohol making motherhood easier or harder in the long run?”
Steps That Helped Me Break Free
Step 1: Getting Deeply Curious About Alcohol
My journey didn’t begin with an experiment or a program – it began with curiosity. I literally spent a year researching everything I could about alcohol. How it affected me physically, mentally, and psychologically. I explored all of my beliefs around drinking to see if they were actually true or just cultural conditioning I’d absorbed.
I asked myself uncomfortable questions:
- Did wine really help me relax, or was it creating more anxiety in the long run?
- Was I actually enjoying those drinks, or just relieving withdrawal?
- What was I trying to numb or avoid with alcohol?
- How would I feel if my children eventually used the same coping mechanism?
This period of building awareness about how alcohol was truly impacting me – not how I thought it was affecting me – was transformational. Finally, in December 2014, I hit the stop button and said I was done.
Step 2: What I Noticed During My First 30 Days Alcohol-Free
Once I made the decision to stop drinking, I experienced dramatic changes almost immediately:
- My sleep improved dramatically within just 3-4 days
- I felt a significant reduction in my overall anxiety levels
- I had more patience with my children, especially during the “witching hour”
- I experienced greater mental clarity during work hours
- I realized that many drinking “triggers” passed quickly when I didn’t react to them
This initial period showed me how much alcohol had been affecting me in ways I hadn’t even recognized. It’s why I later created The Alcohol Experiment – because I know how powerful even a short break can be for creating new awareness.
Step 3: Building My Personalized Toolkit
Based on my triggers, I created a personalized toolkit of alternatives:
- For stress relief: breathing exercises, stepping outside for fresh air
- For reward: special tea in a beautiful cup, reading for 15 minutes
- For transition time: changing clothes, a quick shower, or a dance break with the kids
- For social connection: calling a friend, texting a loved one
I kept this toolkit visible – literally writing alternatives on sticky notes around the house – until new habits formed.
Step 4: Finding My Support System
Breaking entrenched habits required support:
- I shared my journey with my husband so he could support rather than undermine my efforts
- I found online communities of women making similar changes
- I followed social media accounts that normalized and supported alcohol-free motherhood
In creating The PATH, I wanted to provide others with the community support that was so essential to my own journey.
Step 5: Reframing My Motherhood Narrative
Perhaps the most powerful change was shifting my internal narrative about motherhood and coping:
- I stopped seeing wine as a “deserved reward” for the “burden” of motherhood
- I recognized that difficult emotions are part of the human experience, not something to be numbed
- I focused on capturing and celebrating moments of joy and connection
- I became more honest about the challenges of parenthood without needing to make it a joke about needing alcohol
5 Better Ways I’ve Found to Handle Motherhood Stress
Breaking free from using alcohol to cope required me to build new skills and strategies. Here are the approaches that have worked best for me and thousands of mothers I’ve worked with:
1. Mindful Breathing and Body Awareness
When overwhelm hits (and it still does!), the fastest way I’ve found to interrupt the stress response is through my breath. The simple practice of breathing in for a count of four, holding for seven, and exhaling for eight activates your parasympathetic nervous system within seconds.
What worked for me: When I felt the urge to pour a drink, I started pausing for three deep breaths. I’d place my hand on my heart and ask myself, “What do I really need right now?” Often, the answer wasn’t alcohol – it was rest, connection, movement, or even just permission to feel my frustration without judgment.
2. Micro-Moments of Self-Care
One reason I reached for wine was that it felt like the only “me time” in my day. I had to learn that self-care doesn’t require spa days or long bubble baths – it can happen in small moments integrated throughout your day:
- 30 seconds of shoulder rolls while waiting for water to boil
- Five minutes of journaling while the kids are occupied
- A quick walk around the block between Zoom calls
- A text exchange with a supportive friend
3. Emotional Processing Routines
One of alcohol’s most attractive features is how quickly it seems to mute difficult emotions. I had to learn healthier ways to process feelings instead of bottling them up:
- End-of-day journaling (even just three sentences)
- Voice memo rants in my car (judgment-free venting)
- Weekly calls with my best friend who gets it
- Physical movement to release tension (dance parties with the kids count!)
4. Connection Instead of Isolation
When I stopped using wine to cope, I realized how isolated I’d become in my struggle. Building authentic connection became my lifeline:
- Finding friends who understood
- Being honest about my struggles instead of presenting a perfect image
- Working with a therapist to process deeper patterns
- Joining communities of women on similar journeys
5. Boundary Setting as Self-Preservation
Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries transformed my experience of motherhood:
- Limiting commitments to what truly matters
- Asking specifically for the help I needed
- Creating clear transitions between work and family time
- Giving myself permission to say “no” without guilt
This last one was huge for me. As I discuss in Episode 430 of my podcast, many of us feel obligated to say yes to everything – volunteering at school, attending every social function, being available 24/7 for work – and then use alcohol to cope with the resulting overwhelm.
Resources That Can Support Your Journey
For Immediate Support and Education:
- The Alcohol Experiment – The free 30-day program that started my own journey
- This Naked Mind Podcast – Hundreds of episodes exploring every aspect of changing your relationship with alcohol
- This Naked Mind Companion App – A community specifically for those seeking support
For Deeper Transformation:
- The PATH – My comprehensive program for lasting change in your relationship with alcohol
Books That Changed My Perspective:
- This Naked Mind – The book I wrote about my own journey
- Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker
- The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley
- We Are the Luckiest by Laura McKowen
Creating New Mother’s Day Traditions Without Wine
Mother’s Day used to be synonymous with mimosas and wine for me – the “reward” for my maternal labor. When I first stopped drinking, I worried holidays would feel less special. What I discovered instead was that alcohol had actually been diminishing these celebrations all along.
As I share in my guide to celebrating Mother’s Day without alcohol, the true spirit of the day isn’t about boozy brunches – it’s about recognition, appreciation, and genuine nourishment.
Here’s how I’ve reimagined Mother’s Day:
- A sunrise hike that grounds and centers me before the day begins
- A special breakfast where everyone contributes something (even if it’s just setting the table)
- A family art project where each person creates something expressing their appreciation
- Time set aside for me to do something purely for joy – reading, gardening, or creating
- Intentional phone calls with my own mother and mother figures in my life
The first alcohol-free Mother’s Day felt strange – I had to push through the initial discomfort of changing a habit. But now, several years in, these new traditions feel more meaningful and leave me with beautiful memories instead of a headache.
“The best Mother’s Day gift isn’t found in a bottle – it’s found in presence, connection, and the joy of being fully awake for the beautiful moments of motherhood.”
FAQs From Mothers Just Like You
Q: Does stopping drinking mean I can never enjoy a glass of wine again?
A: Taking a break from alcohol isn’t necessarily about forever – it’s about creating the space to make conscious choices rather than reactive ones. After exploring alcohol-free living, I found I actually prefer life without alcohol. Many women discover they either choose to remain alcohol-free because they prefer how they feel, or they develop a genuinely take-it-or-leave-it relationship with occasional drinking.
Q: Won’t my friends think I’m judging them if I stop drinking?
A: I worried about this too! The key is to focus on your personal choice without criticizing others. I used simple phrases like “I’m taking a break to focus on my sleep” or “I’m doing a health reset.” True friends support your wellbeing, even if it means adjusting how you socialize. And honestly, most people care far less about what’s in your glass than you might think.
Q: How do I handle Mother’s Day brunch without mimosas?
A: Plan ahead by focusing on what truly makes the day special – connection, recognition, rest, joy. I bring my favorite sparkling water with fresh fruit, or ask the server for a “mocktail” option. Having a delicious alternative ready helps bridge the awkward gap of “what do I do with my hands?” Having non-drinking allies can help too – maybe your children can join you in a special non-alcoholic toast!
Q: How long until I stop wanting to drink to cope with stress?
A: In my experience and from thousands of mothers I’ve worked with, many report significant changes in their desire to drink after just 2-3 weeks alcohol-free. The key is simultaneously building new coping mechanisms while letting your brain chemistry reset. Be patient with yourself – healing isn’t linear, but it does happen.
Q: What if my partner still drinks?
A: This was my situation too. Open, non-accusatory communication was essential. I shared my motivations and needs without demanding my husband change his behavior. We set boundaries that worked for both of us, such as keeping alcohol out of certain spaces. Many partners become surprisingly supportive once they understand this is about your wellbeing and see the positive changes that result.
Conclusion
The journey to stop using alcohol as a coping mechanism for motherhood stress isn’t about deprivation – it’s about liberation. It’s about reclaiming your natural ability to handle difficult emotions, celebrate joys, and be fully present for the life you’ve created.
This Mother’s Day, consider giving yourself the gift of exploration through The Alcohol Experiment – just 30 days to discover what might be possible when alcohol no longer serves as your stress management strategy.
I won’t promise it will always be easy – motherhood itself isn’t easy. But I can promise you this: being fully present, even for the hard moments, is infinitely more rewarding than numbing your way through them.
The mother you already are – beneath the stress, beneath the conditioning that tells you you need alcohol to cope – is more than enough. She’s actually extraordinary.
Is alcohol affecting your motherhood more than you’d like? Join me and thousands of other mothers who have transformed their relationship with alcohol through The Alcohol Experiment – a free 30-day exploration that will change how you think about drinking.
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