Have you ever felt pressured to drink by family—even when everything inside you said no? For Ronna, alcohol wasn’t just around during holidays or special events—it was a constant presence. By age 12, she was handed a beer and told she was an adult now. Alcohol, marijuana, and secrecy were part of her upbringing, but so was music, creativity, and a fierce sense of independence. As a touring musician and pastor’s wife, Ronna lived in two very different worlds—each with its own pressure to conform. This is her story of unraveling those beliefs, finding her truth, and walking away from alcohol for good.

Trigger warning: This post includes references to childhood exposure to alcohol and loss by suicide.

Growing Up Where Drinking Was Just What You Did

In my family, drinking wasn’t something you had to sneak around to do—it was handed to you with a smile. When I was 12, my aunt gave me a Coors Light and said, “You’re an adult now.” I remember holding my nose and forcing it down just to fit in. I was pressured to drink by family from a young age, and it never once felt like a choice.

But it wasn’t just alcohol. I grew up in a hippie household where my aunt grew marijuana plants in the garden. Astonishingly, I didn’t even realize weed was illegal until I got pulled over with my cousin in high school. I thought that was just what families did. It wasn’t until much later that I understood how different my upbringing was—and how much shame I carried because of it.

I started to believe that drinking was in my blood. My mom was an alcoholic. So was my aunt. As a Native American woman, I was told that it was inevitable. “People like us drink,” they’d say. And I believed it. I figured I’d end up the same, but maybe, if I was lucky, I could stop just short of needing rehab.

Touring, Drinking, and the Illusion of Freedom

At 18, I was out on my own and playing music in bands. Touring became my life. Alcohol was everywhere. If we didn’t get paid for a gig, we at least got free drinks. That was just the culture. I thought it was fun. Looking back, it was anything but.

Recently, I reread some of my old tour journals, and what struck me wasn’t the wild stories or the shows—it was the anger. I didn’t even realize how mad I was back then. I was always upset with my bandmates, trying to control everything, numbing my emotions with alcohol and chaos. It was messy. And it followed me for decades.

The culture I came from told me this was all normal. Fun, even. But beneath it all, I was lost and deeply disconnected from myself.

From Pregnancies to Pastor’s Wife: Living a Double Life

When I met my husband—while on tour in Europe—my life took a turn. We shared a Christian faith, and I decided to stop drinking during my pregnancies. I followed every rule. No caffeine, always slept on my left side. I was meticulous. I wanted my babies to be safe. So, I didn’t touch alcohol for years.

But when family came to visit from overseas, they’d say, “Just one glass of wine with dinner. It’s no big deal.” I still remember how warm and comforting that first glass of wine felt. I told myself I could handle it. But slowly, the old patterns crept back in. One glass on Friday turned into wine pairings for dinner on Wednesdays. Before I knew it, I was drinking daily again.

To complicate things even more, my husband is a pastor. We served at churches where drinking was frowned upon. So I hid it. I stuffed cans into paper bags. Every week, I made sure the recycling looked clean. I kept my drinking private because I felt like I had to. That secrecy—layered over the shame I already carried—nearly broke me.

The Pandemic and the Breaking Point

When COVID hit, everything spiraled. We were stuck at home with our adult kids, grieving losses, unsure what the future held. I was drinking every night—not to have fun, but to stop the thoughts, to sleep. My sister-in-law died by suicide. Ten days later, my mom passed. The grief was suffocating.

I tried to hold it all together. I tried to carry my family’s pain along with my own. But at the end of the night, I always reached for a drink—or three. I was physically sick, emotionally drained, and spiritually empty. I didn’t know who I was anymore.

That’s when I stumbled across This Naked Mind.

The PATH Changed Everything

I’d tried the Reframe app and other resources, but something about This Naked Mind stuck. The 30-Day Alcohol Experiment helped me realize I wasn’t alone—and that alcohol was the problem, not me. But it was The PATH that truly transformed my life.

The PATH is a science-led and compassion-based program that helps you make alcohol small and insignificant in your life. With 15 live coaching calls a day and a powerful support network, you won’t find this level of support anywhere else.
If you’ve ever felt pressured to drink by family, or trapped in a cycle you can’t escape—The PATH can help.

What hit me hardest was learning the science behind alcohol. This wasn’t a moral failing. It wasn’t my Native blood. It wasn’t because I was broken. Alcohol is an addictive substance. Full stop. That knowledge was the beginning of my freedom.

Finding Confidence in Sobriety (and Toastmasters)

Once I got clarity, I wanted more from life. I signed up for Toastmasters, even though public speaking terrified me. I took college courses. Started exploring new skills and hobbies. I began to see that there was more to me than the woman who toured in bands, hid beer cans, and ran on shame.

One of the most healing parts of The PATH was realizing that I could write my own narrative. I didn’t have to live inside the story my family gave me. It wasn’t true – I wasn’t destined to drink. I could choose to stop.

And when I started believing that—I actually did.

I Still Go to Pubs—But Now I Stay Sober

On a recent trip back to Scotland, I still went to the pubs. I still listened to music. But this time, I drank Guinness Zero. And you know what? It was better. I didn’t feel fuzzy. For the first time, I didn’t have to wonder what I said. I didn’t need to nurse a hangover the next day.

Today, I sleep well. I’m off medications. I have a peaceful mind and a healthier body. I don’t regret the life I’ve lived—but I’m glad I finally stopped living it on autopilot.

What Happens If I Keep Going?

I used to ask myself, “Can I make it through this week?” Now I ask, “What happens if I keep going?”

And I’m excited to find out.

To anyone who’s ever been pressured to drink by family, please hear this: you are not broken. You do not have to carry their pain. Believe me – you can stop the cycle. You can be free.

I’m 57 years old, and I’m just getting started.

What I Would Go Back and Tell Myself

I’ve thought a lot about the younger version of me—the girl on tour, the overwhelmed mom, the woman stuffing cans into paper bags and calling it control.

If I could go back and sit beside her, I wouldn’t yell or lecture. I’d place a hand on her shoulder, look her in the eyes, and say:

“You’re doing the best you can with what you know right now. But there is a better way. You don’t have to carry this weight alone. You don’t have to live in hiding. The confidence you think you lack? It’s already inside you. Keep going—you’re going to amaze yourself.”

And I’d remind her:

“You are not your past. You are not your family’s story. You are not destined to repeat anything.”

Then I’d tell her the truth I now live every single day:
You are allowed to change. You are allowed to heal. You are allowed to begin again—at any age, at any moment.

I wouldn’t take back the pain, because that pain gave me clarity. But I’d make sure she knew she was worthy of peace.

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